Melancholy Eve

Currently at my seasonal gig until 9pm, and this overwhelming feeling of pending sadness has turned my already tired mood into something so foul that I can hardly stand it.

I applied for an internship for a teaching program in South Korea a few weeks ago.

Tomorrow is the final day of processing submitted documents for the applicants for that program, and I feel as though my credentials just weren’t enough to make it to the interview stage. And now I honestly don’t know what there is left for me to do. Sigh.

Even worse, I keep imaging what would have happened next and came to realize something that I wasn’t aware of – no matter where I go, my conditioning to not fully letting others in, to keeping folks at arm’s length at all times, to really allowing myself to soak in those beautiful moments called life to someone else – will always be there.

So even if I did (do) get to the interview stage of this program, on a plane to SK, go through training, and am afforded the opportunity to teach in a place that I have come to love many years ago, will I be able to fully appreciate it all? Will these feelings and mentality of mine only become more heighten? This is how I feel everyday in the city I was born and raised as it is, around friends that I have know for years. How would I weather all of that and then some then? Especially with the cultural and language barriers?

Having shared all this, I still want the chance to find out. And I still feel that I would (will) do well with this internship. So I am going to press on and remain positively hopeful that I will get a response from the Consulate in GA about an interview.

I don’t think luck will help me too much, so instead I will ask for more patience and plenty of clarity. As well as peace, no matter the outcome.

Be inspired. Stay inspiring.

– Soprano Musings