Does anyone remember back in the day when Jerry Springer had a real talk show?
No disrespect to him, I get it – the times have changed and he is not the only TV show host lacking in this department for the sake of ratings.
The one episode that made me present ya’ll with this question was a racially charged one. About not liking their family members’ significant other (or in most cases, their husbands) because they were not of the same race. I was really young when this aired, so if anyone wants to fact check what I’m about to say, please feel free 🙂
At the end of the segment, he went into his final thought (does he still do that with what they air now?). He told a story about his grandfather that kept his car in the garage, always with a full tank of gas and in peak condition. Now this part I have to paraphrase (again, I was a youngen when this was on TV), but I remember him asking his granddad why does he keep the car. Why doesn’t he just sell it since he never drives it?
He said, “Just in case. In case we need to get away again.” Now as a child I didn’t fully understand what he meant by that. Then going to school a few years later, I learned about the Civil War, slavery, the Holocaust, and my view of the world started to change. But I still somehow held out hope that the world – the States – would learn from history.
I thought, “Yeah, that was so fucked up, but that would never, never ever happen again.”
Then this years’ rounds of elections happened and shattered that belief.
Like most folks, I thought it was funny when I heard about the Republican party candidates. Then as the weeks progressed, it wasn’t funny anymore. And last night, after I stepped out of the shower, a fear that I have never, never ever known gripped my heart so tight that I almost collapsed on my bathroom floor. As I hugged the corners of my sink and stared in the mirror, the first tear fell. And for almost an hour – a whole damn hour – I was rooted to the spot.
When I finally calmed down, I picked up my camera and with shaky hands took three pictures.
Not for this project, but so that I could try to capture this moment and never forget it. How fear can affect folks. How it makes you blind to certain truths – about the world and about yourself. It doesn’t solve problems. It doesn’t cure anything.
And I will be damned – DAMNED ya’ll – if I allow it to have that kind of effect on me again.
Name a fear of yours and how did you overcome it?
3 thoughts on “Day 7: Point of Fear”
Before I leave a comment let me just say hugs…seems like you could use one. Secondly, what a powerful and honest post this is. It is tough to lay oneself out like this to the world, and I remember that was one of my biggest fears I overcame. The first was a number of years ago when I did a photo exhibit at a little pub. My wife insisted I do it, and I was so nervous that anyone would want to look at anything I did, or I was afraid people would think it was a joke. What got me over that frankly was the fact that it had been scheduled and I had a lot of work to do to get photos framed, to make a price list and things like that. It was nerve wracking but it got me over it. The day of the opening we invited family and friends and I was still a nervous wreck but they all supported me. Similarly, when I decided to write a blog I felt that same type of fear. I remember clearly that I kept it all to myself. I did not tell anyone what I was working on. I wanted it to be 100% me, but of course that meant that I had to swallow all the fear myself-what if no one reads it, what if people hate the idea, what if, what if….I got over that one too by just doing it. That is how I overcame anything I had a fear of. If you really want it, you have to go for it. Now in the case of what you are talking about here, I know its not as simple as that, and I have that same knot in my stomach right now that you do. But just keep surrounding yourself with positive, artistic people. You are an artist, I hesitate to call myself one, but in reality…yeah, I’m kind of an artist. We’ll move past this and it will be okay. And instead of that fear, you can put it towards something else not so bad. Like barre chords on the guitar. Now that is something that really fucking scares me! 🙂
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Thank you 🙂 I do feel better after writing about it though. And barre chords are a beast to play but totally worth it! lol
Good…and I’ll take your word for it on the barre chords!
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