I’m writing without a script again. While drinking. Let’s see how this goes-LOL
Oh my goodness ya’ll – I made it one more year!
2015 was no joke. It was a time of self doubt and bitterness for me at the end, but in the last few weeks I have strengthen my resolve and picked up the pieces to put myself back together.
All the anger I had over things that I could not change, missing those who are no longer here with me, getting fed up with my family for the final time, and letting go of the plans I had for where I thought I should be in my life right now…
It hurt something fierce, but once I looked at all the little pieces – really examined them and saw them for what they were, I was at a strange yet lovely stage of peace. So much so that I was able to combine all these thoughts and circumstances to make myself whole again.
And I can’t lie – it feels so damn good!
My plans for school have changed. Seeing this blog as just a way to get my feelings out as self therapy have also changed. Me resigning to the fact that I was destined to stay in Fort Misery for the rest of my life has changed too.
Now…now I want more. Not just want it – I need it. Feel entitled to it even. This blog has helped me learn how to be more assertive about my talents and has made me accountable to sharing more of them with those who find their way to my blog. Never thought I would have that experience.
School didn’t turn out the way that I thought it would. Studying something you love and realizing that you may not be able to fully grasp has been heartbreaking for me. It’s one of the reasons why it took me so long to pony up and actually try to do it in the first place. But I am so glad that I DID try. I now know what I need to work on to get better and become a more confident and capable artist (musician).
Speaking of being a more confident artist – I took the stage the other night at an open mic night with my original work. Me! Still can’t believe that I did it. Or the fact that I want to do it again. Yeah, it was just 2 poems, but it showed me that I can have an audience for when I am ready with sharing my songs. I just need to show up 🙂
I wasn’t going to do a New Years’ Resolution this year, but I feel the need to.
So, my New Years’ Resolution is to ‘Be More’.
Creative. Open. Fearless. Passionate. Expressive. Persistent.
About my improving myself as an musician, artist, and overall person.
Thank ya’ll from the bottom of my heart for liking, commenting, and encouraging me to continue. 2015 may have gotten a bit dark for me, but I just know that 2016 is going to be as bright as ever.
Happy New Year!